A Few Gentle Admonitions

Text: 

Drew Jansen

When I was writing this piece, there was no elegant musical PSAabout silencing cell phones. This song fills that lack. Written in thestyle of a Gilbert and Sullivan patter song, the lyrics are by DrewJansen, composer and lyricist for the quintessential Minnesota pieces of musical theater “How To Talk Minnesotan,” and “Church Basement Ladies.”

Commissioned by: 

MACxima

Published by: 

Fresh Ayre Music
Item Voicing Perusal scores/Recordings Price
FAM-0013-01A SATB (div) a cappella

$2.95
FAM-0013-01B SATB (div), piano
$2.95

Text:

Greetings! Salutations! Good to have you here! Hello!
We're tickled and delighted you could join us at our show.
We've mastered every measure, we've polished every part,
There's magic in the air…we can barely wait to start!

But wait, before we're fully underway,
We've just a few reminders, s'il vous plait.

If you possess a pager, or perhaps a tiny phone
The sound of which could pulverize the largest kidney stone,
We ask you that render this device completely silent;
For if it should interrupt us, there's a chance we might get vi'lent.

And if you're fond of candy that is clad in cellophane,
Unwrap it now or else you'll be the object of disdain.
Though you may feel you're making just a tiny little crinkle,
We assure you it's a noise that could awaken Rip van Winkle.

And should we croon
A fav'rite tune
That starts you reminiscin'
Please know it's wrong
To sing along
So just sit there and listen.

If little ones are in your entourage, we shout "hooray!"
For now they have a chance to put their manners on display.
We really do love children, but prefer they not riot.
Just remember, mom and dad…your kids are cuter when they're quiet.

And if a cold
Has taken hold
Don't stick around and spread it;
Just take a hike
And hit the pike
'Cause we don't want to get it!

We hope we don't offend you with these things that we request,
It's simply that we're eager to perform our very best.
We know we can depend on you for full cooperation;
Kindly wait until we're through (remember standards of decorum)
kindly wait until we're through (if we hit clunkers, please ignore 'em)
kindly wait until we're through then give us an ovation!